Thursday, September 5, 2013

Simple Minded

I am not a complicated person.

If our brains had to be compared to roads, with size and design of road corresponding to brain quality, then my mind would probably be best described as a deer path. Narrow, winding, random things growing on the sides, and hard to get through unless you made it yourself. (Not to mention the random piles of meaningless crap everywhere.)

My thought processes follow very few steps to reach a conclusion. If there are many, it's for a good cause and every step is defined. For example, some math problems take quite a bit of thinking, but each step is logical. Or if someone I particularly care about asks me for help, I'm more than willing to answer them.

But with casual human interactions, I try to stay away from overcomplicating things. People are too complex as it is, so why make it worse? Sticking to yes's and no's in conversation and decision making is required in order for me to appear to function. If I am asked a "why" question, I'll give you an answer. But under the surface, I'm figuratively hemorrhaging fear juices.

Because of this, ordinary things can easily confuse me.

Fire drills, for example.

Throughout all of my school years, fire drills have been a once-a-month practice for the student body, in the case of a fire. After the initial shock of the sound, everyone chaotically shuffles outside into seemingly random positions.

Who came up with this idea? The faculty expect us to exit in a calm and orderly fashion. I don't understand how this is possible. For the procedure, they start by making everyone pee themselves by blaring the sounds of a foghorn assailing a few dissonant car horns. Then, they continue blast Satan's ringtone from EVERY DIRECTION.

How is it even remotely possible to stay calm when you feel like gouging out your eardrums with rusty sporks?

Speaking of sporks, do you know what you eat with them? The ever-confusing TV dinner.

Sure, I can think of a few reasons as to why they'd be called "TV dinners" in the first place. Maybe it's because you eat them in front of the TV? No... uhm... perhaps it's because they're only advertised on television? Nah, that's even more lame... what if it's because the meal presented on the box looks oh-so-picturesque?

None of these reasons seem plausible to me. Where does this name come from? Where?

Look out Google, here I come!


Apparently when TV dinners first came out, they were created by this company called C.A. Swanson and Sons. The full name of the product was originally TV Brand Frozen Dinner. So basically, because this is 'Murica, we got rid of those two middle words.

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