Speech

9 Things To [Never] Say In A Public Speech

1.
"I'd like to thank all of the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the streets!"

2.
"I'm really grateful for all of you cartographers; I don't know where I'd be without you."

3.
"In all reality, you should be thanking ME. Now your Erdős number is only 3."

4.
"Michael Jackson was definitely a big role model for me. He taught me that BIG changes are possible!"

5.
"Sólo estoy aquí para los refrescos."

6.
"You're all probably wondering why I'm wearing this inflatable horse suit."

7.
"...and that is how I became ten cents richer after my colonoscopy."

8.
"Yes, it is all true. I stole the cookie from the cookie jar."

9.
"I suppose you can't ding-dong-ditch the No-bell prize committee, am I right?"


*Note*
I was going to make this list a nice even countdown with 10 things, but as you can tell by my recent lack of posting, I'm too lazy for those shenanigans.