Friday, August 16, 2013

Olympic Sports

     A couple weeks ago, I published a list of lists. I did one list off of it, as per request, and now I'm just working my way down it.

5 Things That Should Become Olympic Sports

1. Grocery Cart Darts

     A little while ago, me and my dad made a late night run to the local grocery store. In terms of cars, the parking lot had next-to-none. This fact opened up a world of possibilities that were otherwise unavailable.

     After loading up our massive amounts of food, my dad had one of those, "Hey, watch what I can do!" moments. Instead of walking the cart to the return spot, two aisles of parking spots away, he decided to simply put it away from where he was. With a massive push and a defective wheel, it silently glided into the return.

     10 points for style.

2. Anything With Bowling Balls

     I think bowling balls are largely underestimated. They can take any tiny-version of a game or sport, and turn it into an event that takes massive amounts of effort. Think of the possibilities! Take soccer, for example. The main challenge in soccer (to my un-athletic-mind) is moving the ball in such a way that you get it past a bunch of people and into a net. With bowling soccer, the challenge would simply be moving the ball!

     Many small games could be scaled up and made to be more difficult than they need to be. Marbles, billiards, bocce ball, etc. It'd be unnecessarily difficult, trivial, completely ridiculous, and flipping awesome to watch.

3. Wheelchair Ski Jumps

     If this was introduced, the handicapped wouldn't have to have their own separate Olympics. Just make a smooth downward slope, and make sure no one dies.

4. Combine Unrelated Events

     I hope I'm not the only one who has wanted to see people playing volleyball on trampolines. Or how about instead of simply throwing a discus, you have to make it go the distance by playing baseball? I'm just saying guys, these would be a great addition.

5. Death by Racquetball

     Pit two people (preferably Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson, but I'll make exceptions) against each other by sticking them in a larger-than-normal racquetball court. Give them each two cricket bats, and then throw in a giant bouncy ball. Have them smack it around until someone loses/dies/gets beaten into submission/makes a Hollywood movie.

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