Wednesday, July 24, 2013


     My family are big on going to church every week. A few months ago when we were in Idaho, it was a Sunday and I genuinely didn't feel up to going. I did the logical thing and stayed home. Alone. 

     Whenever somebody is sick, my mom of course tells them to stay in bed and get some rest. How could I possibly do such a thing? I find it near impossible to take naps, and there isn't anything I can comfortably do from the area of my bed. 

     Growing up, and still now, Monopoly has been a beloved game amongst the male population of my house (my dad, myself, and two younger brothers). Every time I played this game, one of the two brothers would fall out early on, the second would normally come next, and then my dad would completely crush the remaining opponent. 

     To drive away the ensuing insanity, I took upon myself a challenge. The above pattern was ALWAYS the case when we played Monopoly. How would it turn out if... it was only ME playing?

     I tried to separate myself into two different personalities. There was the hard-bearing analytical minded personage that I created to play against me, and then myself, playing as I normally would.

     The gameplay was normal for the first hour, but after that, it was clear who the victor was to be. I was going to lose to my imaginary foe. Myself.

     This proved to be a deep learning experience for me, on multiple levels. One thing I learned from this odd day was a better Monopoly strategy (Jail is a black hole, so get everything 7-18 spaces in front of it). Another was that if I am really de-idea-rated (de-hyd-rated? de-idea-rated? Awh, never mind.), turning to myself for that little bit of entertainment can really do the trick.

     Nowadays, I still get pretty lonely sitting around my house all day, despite the constant presence of my siblings, parents, grandparents, and uncle. Most of the time we don't speak to one another. The odd thing is that when I actually do wish to carry on a conversation with a human being, the discussion turns to a point where the engagement isn't as interesting as I thought it was going to be when it began.

     Solution? Interviewing myself.

     This is not meant to be a narcissistic discussion for you to view in upon. As with the Monopoly game, there always ends up being a different personality speaking forth from the bowels of my imagination (I am NOT saying that it is a dirty place there by using the word 'bowels'). So in all actuality, this will most likely turn out to be an imaginary person beating the crap out of me verbally.

     Also, I would have somebody ELSE interview me, but people who are willing to spend an extended amount of time with me are short on hand.

     To make this less complicated then it already is, my name will be Mitch, and the interviewer is Tylan (go to the About page if that doesn't make any sense to you).

     Sigh. Let's get this overwith.

Tylan: Alright, Mitch. How are you feeling today?

Mitch: I think Earth's gravity has a much larger pull on me today, because it took me an hour to finally roll out of bed. 

Tylan: Interesting... that doesn't really answer the question, though.

Mitch: Oh. Right. Um... I feel like today is going to be a less-than-average day. 

Tylan: Well, seeing as how you've started out the day by having a dialougue with yourself, it seems hard to believe that that is correct.

Mitch: Can you just ask the next question?!

Tylan: ...seems that when you finally rolled out of bed, it was on the wrong side. 

Mitch: The current sleeping arrangements make it so that there IS only one side. My mattress on the floor is pushed up against one of the sofas, so I really can only wake up on one side.

Tylan: And how does your family feel about that?

Mitch: Feel about what?

Tylan: About you being grumpy all the time. 

Mitch: Now hold on just a second-

Tylan: It just sounds logical that if you're grumpy from waking up on the wrong side today, and there's only one side, as you've said, then you wake up in a foul mood every day.

Mitch: This is going to be an extremely short interview if you don't move on right now.

Tylan: Right. Now Mitch, some, now many, people have noticed that despite the general light-hearted-ness of your website, you have such bleak colors as the theme for your blog. Why is that?

Mitch: I've actually thought about that one before. I personally just like the color black, and the contrast it has with white. In life, I find it difficult now to wear something with bright colors.

Tylan: That was a perfect transition into my next question! Are you Goth?

Mitch: Wait, what? No! No, of course not. 

Tylan: Then would you consider changing the color scheme of your blog?

Mitch: If it's what my very small reader-base is asking, then yes. 

Tylan: Oh, no one was asking. I just wanted to hear you overreact to me calling you Goth.

Mitch: I'm assuming a follow-up reaction is what you want to hear from that, yes?

Tylan: I was hoping...

Mitch: Too bad. Next question.

Tylan: Alright. Why do you continue to blog if you have such a small reader-base? And why don't you call it a fan-base?

Mitch: First off, I'm a very bored person. The fact that we're having this "interview" can attest to that. On the other hand, some part of me thinks that if I push hard enough for a period of time, I can come to actually have a reader-base.

Tylan: Alright, fair enough. Now, explain your fan/reader base idea.

Mitch:  Easy enough, I suppose. Fans are dedicated readers, who come back at the mention of new content. This stands true for every single one of the blogs and webcomics I have listed in the side bar. Readers are people who are simply politely interested, not really wanting to be here, but here because they know me and feel prompted to.

Tylan: You're doing very good at easing us into the next question! Are you depressed?

Mitch: Wha-

Tylan: Suicidal?

Mitch: No of cour-

Tylan: Feeling prompted to murder anybody?

Mitch: I am now!

Tylan: I feel that this discussion is nearing it's end.

Mitch: Yes, most likely.

Tylan: Well, before you go back to being sane, can you answer the question?

Mitch: Alright. Fine. No, I do not consider myself to be ANY of those things. I'm DEFINITELY not suicidal, never ever ever ever ever never ever. Never. I have too much to live for. And despite what many of the people I know think, I'm not depressed. I can just be quiet when I'm in the company of my thoughts. 

Tylan: I'm not even the one reading this, and I feel like your response just dropped this interview from light-hearted to somber. Congratulations. 

Mitch: Well, good thing it's over, isn't it?

Tylan: Yes. Nice talking to you Mitch.

Mitch: Wish I could say the same thing to you.

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