Friday, June 21, 2013

Dumb Things

New Tradition

     While brainstorming, I came up with this some-what odd idea for a new tradition (I say new because there's one already). My idea is kinda weird, so don't judge me. Too harshly, at least.

     Every friday, I'm going to post lists. These lists could be of just about anything, which hopefully will help me in my never-ending battle with being boring.

     So without further ado, I'll get things started.

5 Stupid Things I've Done (On Accident)

1. Mixed up the soaps

     It was my chore to do the dishes, which seemed to happen a lot. And I HATED my situation. I've convinced myself that I have mageirocophobia, which is fear of cooking/kitchens. The very action of standing in the kitchen makes me stressed. I don't know why.

     I had just finished loading the dish washer. Because of my phobia-induced stress, I lost track of what I was doing. Instead of grabbing the dish detergent, I grabbed the dish soap. I barely knew the difference in the first place, but I definitely knew afterwards.

     In case you're curious, if your kids run out of bubble soap, doing what I did will keep them equally entertained.

2. Worked without working

     Whenever I do something that is work, I'll listen to Brick (another story. It's an old Microsoft Mp3 player). Sometimes, this is my downfall. When the job is particularly noisy, such as vacuuming or mowing, I'll turn it way up so I can't hear anything but my music.

     On more than one occasion, I began pushing the vacuum or mower while listening to music, and the vacuum/mower wasn't even turned on. To onlookers, I was acting like a nervous schizophrenic, pushing around a device that wasn't working.

3. Attacked my head

     I'm a pretty tall guy. It's the first thing people notice about me, which they state without first realizing that I've heard it said more often then "yolo swag." I hear that a lot, by the way.

     So it's pretty common for me to absolutely demolish my face when standing up from stooping. Some examples? Cupboards, pantries, windows, moving trailers, caves (yes, caves), etc. I think if I shave my head, there would be more bruises then anyone could count.

4. Burst a banana

     Ever since I saw this certain Youtube video by Vsauce, I've been opening my bananas by breaking it in half. With my bare hands.

     This is the WARRIOR approach to opening fruit. You must show no mercy! After jabbing your thumbs in to the middle of the outside spine of the banana, you grip it viciously with your calloused paws and SNAP the bananas back. AND it's spirit. If doubt is present in this masculine fruit cutting, failure is imminent.

     Long story short, I doubted, and ended up with squished banana guts all over me.

5. Stepped on a snail

     Yeah... no story needed for this one.

     One more thing. There isn't really much people reading this, let alone people who'd comment, but I'd be more than happy to receive suggestions for next week's list in the comments below. Thanks!

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