Tuesday, June 25, 2013


     I have to say, I'm pretty lethargic.

     I wish I could say that I'm the picture of health, or that all the fitness journals get their tips from me. But I can't.

     Maybe I wouldn't want that. That actually sounds pretty lame. No offense meant to you who actually do that kind of stuff, of course.

     While I'm talking about this stuff, I have a question that has been bugging me for a while. Can you actually be out of shape, if you were never in shape? Yeah. Pretty weird question.

     So yep! I'm not exactly "fit," as one would say.

     I've been trying to combat this fact for some time, looking through countless pages of different exercise routines and diet plans, and I happened to stumble upon Insanity.

     Maybe it's just me, but HOLY FREAKING CRAP. I thought that the opinions I heard about it were exaggerations, but no. They are all absolutely true, possibly a little tame.

     This "exercise" program is actually a series of Olympic events that are staged in the House of Hades every two weeks. You start out with a gateway exercise, which makes you think that the rest won't be so bad. After the first 72 seconds of tricking yourself into believing this, the warm-up to the warm-up warm-ups begins.

     The "fitness" instructor laughs at you as his personal demon helpers do his sick dance by his sides. As they cringe in pain at the amount of stress put upon their mental and physical strength, the maniacal instructor continues to spout impossibly difficult exercises, yet does NOT perform them himself.

     After an eternity of grueling self-inflicted torture, he finally announces that you are now going to descend into the second level. Of 36.

     THIS is what I somehow convinced myself to participate in.

     HOWEVER... I saw exactly where this exercise was heading as I did the pre-pre-warm-ups. I knew I would be stuck desecrating my body in a fruitless effort to shed pounds. So I took the escape route.

     I shut off the video before I got sucked into doing anymore of Heck's 74th Million Biweekly Satan Games.

      Yes, I admit it, this whole story is something of a hyperbole to make me seem like less of a wimp for giving up. But, regardless of how I say it, that's what it boils down to.

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